My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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