I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
