Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
