I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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