Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
