At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize