She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
