god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Plan B is the new Plan A
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
