I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
