i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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