OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
