I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
