some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
