Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
