i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize