Who did Billy Mays play for?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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