i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
