I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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