Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
