the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
