Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
