i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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