I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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