i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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