I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
