Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
