If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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