How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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