I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
