You can't special order awesome
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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