I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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