there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
