i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
