just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
