i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
