he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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