I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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