i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
