Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
