filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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