so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
