You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
