they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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