One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
