Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
