I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize