just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
