I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
