just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
