ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
