3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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