Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
