there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
