Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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