I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
