If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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