Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
