at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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