Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
