smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
