THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
