Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
