I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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