Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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