guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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