your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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