It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
