just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize