Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
