There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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